My Heart Won't STFU

I said I wasn't going away but then I came here
So clear is the reason that I belong here
I hold back 'cause everything is in peace now
I'm at ease when everything's in it's place here
Instead of being a part of the conversation
Who is that making sounds at the gate at my house?
When I'm here and I'm only here for a weekend
Do you see the dichotomy in my days yet?

You go and don't let me in
Stay awake so I hear you call, all this is wrapped in guilt
Because my eye is a vessel, I keep it open
But what I see got me thinking I am a bad man
And if you wait for a second I'll be gone
I'm alone and not alone in my bed
I've got a girl that only pushes away

When you speak everything you say is a secret
And I'm deprived of sympathy so I languish
You captivate with your soul and your body language
You move time when you speak in another language
Do what you want, I'm never here to prevent you
Still I scream and people come to surround you
I train on the heavy bags
And I'm talking to lil peep, all this is wrapped in guilt

My heart won't shut the fuck up from wanting her so bad
I hold back, I'm too afraid just to talk to her
I just leave her alone, and stare at my phone