I Want to Be a Child Star

[Tucker]
Every night I lie awake
Dreaming of my big break
I just gotta act and dance and sing
'Cause I only ever wanted one thing

I wanna be a pre-teen Hollywood trainwreck
A cautionary tale
I want the kind of fame
That'll warp my brain
And eventually land me in jail

I want to sue my parents for emancipation
When they're caught stealing from me
I want to be on the set
Of The Walking Dead
When I lose my virginity

I want to be a child star
It's gonna be bad
Child star
It's gonna be sad
Oh, yeah

Childhood is overrated
I'm ready for mine to end
I want to have agents and assistants
Instead of actual friends

I'll be abusive and emotionally stunted
But everyone will tolerate me
They'll have no choice
Because my face and my voice
Will make them so much money

I want to have a teenage Hollywood meltdown
Be a pop-culture casualty
I want a bunch of addictions
To illegal prescriptions
And completely lose touch with reality

I want to squander everything I've worked for
And spiral out of control
I want to wake up in Van Nuys
With a bunch of sketchy guys
Whom I've never even met before

I want to be a child star
Who are you guys?
Child star

[Child Star 1]
Can I have some more money?

[Tucker]
Oh baby, I've hit rock bottom
I can't live like this
It's time to get my act together
Re-focus on my passion

I want to be a desperate Hollywood has-been
A classic where are they now?
I'll try to clean up my act
And get my agent back
And salvage my reputation somehow

I'll do a lot of community service
And apologize to Meryl Streep
I want to be that former child star
That you see in bars
And say, hey, there's that bloated, bankrupt Hollywood creep!

Child star!