Growing Sideways

So I took my medication and I poured my trauma out
On some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch
And we argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground
I said: I'm cured

And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts
Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart
I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them
But it's a start

But I ignore things, and I move sideways
Until I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day I know there are worse ways
To stay alive
'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive
I guess I'll drive

So I forgot my medication, fell into a manic high
Spent my savings at a lulu, now I'm suffering in style
Why's pain so damn impatient? Ain't like it's got a place to be
Keeps rushing me

But I ignore things, and I move sideways
Until I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day I know there are worse ways
To stay alive
'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive

And if all my life was wasted
I don't mind, I'll watch it go
Yeah, it's better to die numb
Than feel it all
Oh, if all my time was wasted
I don't mind, I'll watch it go
Yeah, it's better to die numb
Than feel it all

But I ignore things, and I move sideways
Until I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day lord knows there are worse ways
To stay alive
'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive
I guess I'll drive