Oldest Profession

I tried life as a sailor, a pirate and a thief
But it was not till now that I knew what I should be
I swaggered through the brothel doors and marched straight ahead
When I reached the counter I looked at the girl and said

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart

Well I guessed it shocked her she didn't know what to say
Then she said that's impossible, it doesn't work that way
I'll demonstrate just what I got, was the pitch I gave
She nearly had a stroke but she wasn't quite that way
She told me that I should talk to all the girls upstairs
There's no approval I could find would mean more than theirs
When I reach the second floor, they poured into the hall
And I said hello ladies I've something to tell you all

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart

They laughed and said: There is no way it never has been done
Butt a girl said lets find out and let me in room #1
And six hours later when I left room 24
I knew that I had managed to satisfy the floor
They said there's a girl upstairs for special clientele
For you to have a chance, she's the one to really tell
I find the stairs, knocked on the door and said to her: Hello
Before we start anything there's something you should know

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart

She said that it was funny and she laughed at my plan
And told me I could never hack it because I was just a man
So I said let me prove it and I did lickity split
And trust me when I tell you boys I took my time with it
She panted I admit it, I was wrong right from the start
Go upstairs and see the madam and you'll work here if she's smart
I went to the madams office and let myself right in
Finally I thought that I said said to her with a grin

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart

I'll give you just one chance to prove you're not out of your head
And I knew that I had proved it when she look at me and said
Gee you found the spot I thought was legend or a myth
You make a perfect case that I find hard to argue with
Women now are working on the ships and docks and shores
And should have the same options as the men who came before
So now I have a job taking care of ladies needs
And all you jealous bastards should come sing along with me

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart