Abe Lincoln Vs. Chuck Norris

[Abe Lincoln (Lloyd Ahlquist)]:
Four Score
And 65 years in the past
I won the Civil War with my beard
Now I'm here to whup your ass
I've read up on your facts
You cure cancer with your tears?
Well, tell me Chuck, how come you never sat down
And cried on your career?

You're washed up has been
On TV selling Total Gyms
And you're gonna lose this battle
Like you lost Return of the Dragon
I'll rip your chest hairs out
Put them in my mouth
I'll squash you like I squashed the South
I never told a lie and I won't start now
You're a horse with a limp
I'll put you down

[Chuck Norris (Nice Peter)]:
This isn't Gettysburg, punk
I'd suggest retreating
For I invented Rap music
When my heart started beating
Chuck Norris doesn't battle
He just allows you to lose
My raps will blow your mind
Like a verbal John Wilkes Booth

[Abe Lincoln (Lloyd Ahlquist)]:
I've got my face on a side of a mountain
You voted for John McCain
I've got a bucket full of my head
And I'm about to make it rain

You block bullets with your beard?
I catch them with my skull
I make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger
But I've never even seen that show

[Chuck Norris (Nice Peter)]:
I am Chuck Fucking Norris!
I've spread more blood and gore
Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch
I split the Union with a Roundhouse Kick
I wear a blackbelt on the beard
That I grow on my dick

I attack sharks when I smell them bleed
I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me
My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster
You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master!