A Portrait Of

I've been feeling suicidal
And if I need remind you
It's not the coming of my heart and my brain
I was thinking about how great
It would be if I could make the tightness in my chest go away
It's been a while since I've seen God
And I'm not trying to lead him on
But he's always trying to fuck me
To the tune of my favorite song

And they're playing the '59 Sound in heaven
While the angels were drinking up whiskey and cokes
It's hard to freeze your anxieties
When your best friends' torching your coat
Your coat

Drop that phone drink a glass of water
And call me when you get in your bed
I've seen inside your head
And I'm doing the surgery on the parts
That still wish you were dead

'Cause I've lost too many friends
So I'll say it again and again
And again and again
And again and again
And again and again

I'm not trying to say it's easy
But I'm trying to say it's fine
I've still got your demons
And they're not gonna be leaving any time

Any time soon
Any time soon
Any time soon
Any time soon

I'm not trying to say it's easy
But I'm trying to say it's fine

Since I was thirteen I’ve dealt with manic depression
And I had a difficult time comprehending the things that I wanted to be
And I lived a very happy life and I was turning eighteen
And I was doing everything I could to try to make myself feel better
But I felt an absence, I felt like I needed to die, I felt like nothing existed
And I felt that I wasn't worthwhile breathing the same air as the ones I loved and my family
And then it came to the point where I started losing friends who had the same fucking ideas as myself
But I have to be strong and I have to live my life as a continuation of theirs lost
And I have to do everything in my fucking power to be the person that I can be
And live my life the best way I fucking can
And some days it's so hard to fucking stand and fucking stand and fucking stand and fucking stand