Sanguine Spin Cycles

Prime-time commercials are making me feel inadequate
Every billboard seems to confirm this with adamance
I used to wonder why my best friends have drinking problems
Until I realized we're being chased by evil media goblins

I'm tired of society's insistences that entirely consist of fragmented sentences
Describing plastic products with hyperbolic phrases
Channel flipping is like entering a labyrinth or several mazes
I just want to see Andrew Zimmern eat a caterpillar
Is it to much to ask to see Andrew Zimmern eat a caterpillar
I just want to watch my nerdy shows on the Discovery Channel
My TV is reminding me I won't get hoes with my dirty flannel
I really don't need to be talked to in that tone of voice
I can abandon this television to watch my porn of choice
But even that's plagued with witty advertisements
I'm simply amazed at everyone's giant penis sizes
You can't sell people's culture on a television
Girls dress nerdy chic, but can't discuss fiction
They can't remember any superheros with laser vision
They don't realize that technology develops from science fiction
Marketing gurus have convinced us that we need them
Advertising firms convince you to drink Seagram's
I've got a vendetta, I'm a grumpy Groucho Marxist
My ACT scores were low, but that doesn't make me retarded
Happy Meals sell sex dolls, posh spice on the go
I'm the butt of every joke told by Tosh.0
I never rode a horse, but I'll probably be buried in some polo
I've got the new iPhone that takes 2000 megapixel photos
I'm healthy, I don't eat meat, and I ride elipticals
I abstain from drinks and smokes, but this shit is too cyclical
My doctor will feed me every antidepressant advertised
And have absolutely no idea why I would want to die